Soap is not a condiment
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
