I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
