Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
