Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
