I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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