K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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