you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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