Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't deserve a penis
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
