she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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