I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
