did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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