Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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