I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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