i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
