Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
