Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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