Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
