"it" just moved
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
