K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
