Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
