Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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