I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
