you guys were way drunker than both of me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
