Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
