dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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