yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
