guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
