pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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