Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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