i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
