I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
