Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
