just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
