Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
