Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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