I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
