I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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