whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
