Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
