We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
