i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
