Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
