Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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