I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
