Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
