the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
