When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
