i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
