Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
