just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
