someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
