you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
