we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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