Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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