sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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