i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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