Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
