why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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